Intimacy From the Inside Out
(IFIO) Couples Therapy

Couples Therapy in Santa Barbara and Ventura
Couples Therapy in Santa Barbara and Ventura

What is IFIO Therapy?

Intimacy From the Inside Out (IFIO) is a compassionate, attachment-based approach to relationship therapy rooted in Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) and informed by Internal Family Systems (IFS). It’s designed for couples who feel stuck in painful cycles, emotionally disconnected, or unsure how to truly reach one another again.

IFIO focuses on understanding why patterns repeat by gently exploring the protective emotional parts that show up in relationships—such as withdrawing, pursuing, or reacting. By building self-awareness and emotional safety within each partner, IFIO creates space for empathy, vulnerability, and deeper, more secure intimacy to return.

How IFIO Couples Therapy Helps

I use IFIO to help partners move out of blame and reactivity and into curiosity, compassion, and emotional safety. Together, we slow down the moments where conflict takes over and explore what’s happening beneath the surface for each partner. As each person learns to relate differently to their own emotions and protective patterns, long-standing cycles begin to soften, allowing the relationship itself to feel safer, more supportive, and more deeply connected.

IFIO couples therapy can help you:

  • Break out of repetitive arguments and negative cycles

  • Feel more emotionally connected and understood

  • Build trust after betrayal, rupture, or relational injury

  • Improve emotional and physical intimacy

  • Reduce defensiveness, shutdown, or escalation during conflict

  • Develop a more secure attachment with one another

Couples Therapy in Santa Barbara and Ventura

What IFIO couples Therapy Looks Like in Practice

In IFIO couples counseling, I help partners slow down during moments of conflict or disconnection, identify protective patterns, and access the vulnerable emotions underneath—such as fear, longing, or a need for closeness and safety. Speaking from this more grounded place allows conversations that once felt impossible to become connecting and healing, especially for relationship who still feel stuck after traditional talk therapy or communication tools.

IFIO may be a good fit if you and your partner are:

  • Feeling emotionally distant or disconnected

  • Stuck in recurring conflict

  • Navigating trust issues or relational trauma

  • Struggling with intimacy or vulnerability

  • Wanting deeper emotional closeness and understanding

IFIO couples therapy:

  • Focuses on emotional safety rather than fixing or blaming

  • Helps partners understand why they react the way they do

  • Reduces shame by normalizing protective responses

  • Creates lasting change through secure attachment

How IFIO Is Different from Traditional couples Therapy

Many couples come to therapy feeling frustrated because they “know how to communicate,” yet the same painful dynamics keep repeating. IFIO goes deeper by working with the attachment system and nervous system—not just behaviors or communication skills. This approach supports lasting change by fostering emotional safety and connection, allowing couples to experience real intimacy, not just fewer arguments.

FAQ’s about IFIO Therapy

  • IFIO stands for Intimacy From the Inside Out. It emphasizes that lasting relationship change begins with understanding what’s happening internally for each partner.

  • IFIO is rooted in Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) but integrates Internal Family Systems (IFS). This allows us to work with both attachment patterns and internal emotional parts.

  • Yes. IFIO supports each partner in understanding their own inner experience while strengthening the emotional bond between you.

  • Yes. IFIO can be helpful for couples in crisis as well as couples who want to deepen connection or repair longstanding wounds.

  • The length of therapy varies depending on your goals and the complexity of the issues you’re working through. Some couples notice shifts early on, while others benefit from ongoing work.

A Safe, Affirming Space for Every Relationship

I provide IFIO relationship therapy for adult couples of all backgrounds. I welcome couples of all genders, sexual orientations, races, nationalities, and spiritual or non-spiritual identities. My practice is LGBTQIA+ affirming and trauma-informed.